Dear Habla Hoe,
It was drizzling the day I first saw you. I got soaking wet trying to enter my mom’s friend’s car who was kind enough to give us a lift. Little did I know that the girl sitting at the back sit will turn into my first love leading to numerous controversies and depression.
I am currently at a point in my life where I have realized each and every mistake that I have made in my previous years. However, if I account for all my mistakes on one side and you on the other, it still seems your part will be heavier. I definitely do not want to feel like this. I want you to be the most precious memory that I ever encountered. Why cannot you just let me have it like this way? Is it really too hard? Just for one moment, let me cherish our time together damn it!
I have a fair share of blame too. Every time when I was not supposed to chase you back, I did. I knew it every single time it would not work; everybody around me knew it would not work and yet I went for it. I believed in love like a fool. I used to tell myself that I am going to love my Habla Hoe so much that she will eventually realize it and come back to me. Just look at the past once, every time was a disaster wasn’t it? Was it always my fault that it was a disaster? All I did was love you. I loved you to the point I stopped loving myself and yet you did this to me.
What happened to all your handsome and dashing boyfriends? Where are they now? 1-2-3-4-5…… I wonder if you have hit a half century of ex boyfriends, so much that you need to look into junior classes now to find a guy. You dated people who could not stand up for you; you date dated people who would abuse you and here I was: Ready for every storm that would come but never leave you alone and yet you chose to abandon me.
Leaving me was a regular game for you; that did not hurt me the most to be honest. I remember before leaving the country, I desperately wanted to explain you one last time how much I felt for you and how you tried to insult me in front of everyone. I remember us talking all of a sudden one night and our conversation continued till you fell asleep. That night was horrible for me. Not a single second I could sleep thinking what will happen. Well, you just blocked me straight forward. Oh and when I asked why your reply was: “It is never going to happen”. I tried desperately to make you understand about my feelings and then you were like “My family does not like you”. To counter your argument, I told you how hard I am gonna study to get a very good job so that your family has no issues with me. Boom! You got your point. I remember how devastated I was when you told your friends that I was bragging on my future salary! What a shame Habla Hoe…. Out of everything in this world, Money is something I have never chased and you made me feel so low that day, I cannot express how I felt.
And yet as a fool, I end up texting you every once in a year and get blocked. And there you are, dating one after another, kiddo after kiddo and I can do nothing but watch. Of course you have every freedom to date anyone you want but can I give you a truth slap Habla Hoe? You are such a desperate girl who cannot stay single no matter what! You just need someone and it does not matter who that guy is… how that guy is… Oh we talked for a month online lets start dating. Damn! I never realized my Habla Hoe will be like this.
Every now and then, I start thinking of you all of a sudden. I remember how beautiful your eyes were. Among all the girls I have ever dated, you certainly have the prettiest eyes and
“If I stare too long, I’d probably break down and cry“